Musings on Kayaba

racke7:

I think most people fall in love with Kayaba because he’s such an amazing antagonist. Ruthless and impersonal, he still has a kind of honorable way of doing things, and it allows the hero of the story to shine all the more brightly.

But I remember watching Kayaba emerge from that red sky, and I remember thinking. “Oh… he actually did it…”

It was the kind of thought that was echoed with awe and admiration and horror and excitement, and a sudden desire to know how the story would end. Not really because it was the kind of story that I enjoyed, but because he actually did it.

I remember watching him and thinking “I understand why he did it, but why did he do it?” and the dissonance between that is amazing in itself. I understand why he did it, because it’s what everyone thinks of at one point. To create a world and rule over it as a god, to delve deep into that world and pretend to be one of them. To watch the story of a truly heroic effort unfold in front of your own eyes. Why he did it is so obvious.

But why did he do it? Why did he actually go through with it? Why didn’t it remain a dream?

And I think that’s why I liked him so much, because in the end… He doesn’t know.

In the end, he stands there, and just kind of shrugs his shoulders helplessly, because he doesn’t know why.

An entire series, a heroic adventure, all for that one moment to ask that single most vital question. Why did he do it? He doesn’t know.

And doesn’t that just kind of explain everything? Because he’s just like us, identical to the point where he can’t even answer the question. And he’s the monster that hides in all of us, brought into the light. And he’s just as horrifying and just as comforting as the knowledge that he will fall in the end.

He’s us. And he doesn’t know why he did it either.